Project 1 revision

Edit:
1) I'm going to fix my comma in the first paragraph.
2) I'm going to fix the "things, this, it's..."in the paragraphs.
3) I'm going to fix some of the sentence structures.

Revise:
1) I'm going to make my "so what"more clear.
2) I'm going to unclutter a couple of the paragraphs.
3) I'm going to add a little more detail to the last few paragraphs.